Saturday, April 11, 2009 - 8:21 AM
Well,heart broken still continueing,at least I bo express any reaction right?I dont want to make things even worst,or even spoil other peoples mood..What can I say,love is cruel,yet,i'm still here and still keeping our relationship until now,what I did before is that i deserved it,my fault,my mistake,put the blame on me okay?I never said anything it's your fault or what,but you never appreciate or even care what i had been through these whole time.You swear with your own words that you never want to hurt me,but every single day,what you did,it hurts me actually.Where is the gentle of yours?Is it good that you forcing yourself to changed?Is it good that you keeping 2 girls for you?Is it good that stopping me from expressing my feelings?
What you want me to do now?You weren't like the same old you that i knew,and i am telling you the truth,our friends may say you never change,but for me,you are changing more and more like a devil,wanna know why?because i known you since i was 14 until now,what do you expect?I'm telling bunch of craps?I'm so mad and pissed off!!One day if i'm gone crazy,i will spill out every single mad words that full of vulgarities to you,that day,you will know why i'm so mad about you..Tell me,how can i satisfy your misunderstandings about me?I've tried so hard,but you keep pushing me fall to the ground like i can't never stand up anymore,like i dont have any guts to believe myself.I dont know how does it feel of loving you neither loved by you.
You used to laugh alot with me,you used to tell me everything,you used to made the right choices between us.Why arent you now doing the same thing?I used to talk with you and the others alot,i used to make you guys laugh,but now..you guys are not laughing or anything,just sit there and silent few seconds after that you guys talk your own craps,then what i do next that time?I shut myself up!No worries okay?And you even dare to tell me i'm not good in communicating?Said i'm very silent?Seriously WTF is wrong with you??Sometimes i feel like want to hurt myself by punching walls or anything to let it all out,just because i dont want to scold you.
I want to sms you,but ends up waiting for you to sms me.I want to call you,but ends up no guts.I want to go out with you alone,but ends up you want friends to go along.I want to hold you so tight,but i wish i was drunk that time.Falling every single day,trying every single time,forcing to act like nothing between us.
Okay,forget it..what for if i tell you everything,it's not like you will understands me like you used to before.I can tell you that,you're just like the weather,so i cant never know the ending part.The answers is in your hand,but dont compare me between the other one,it's not fair by doing that.After all i done for you,i dont deserves anything also.I just wish that the still real me treating you the same as before,will die.Because,you dont need it anymore.All you want is her.And i'm the only one here alone everytime blessing-waiting-forcing.
*365 days,my heart continue broken to pieces without you*
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